Quote #9

I drink too much. Way too much. I gave a urine sample, there was an olive in it.

More from Rodney Dangerfield

  1. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
  2. I found there was only one way to look thin. Hang out with fat people.
  3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
  4. I have good-looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
  5. My mother didn't breast-feed me. She said she liked me as a friend.
  6. I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
  7. Are you kiddin'? I know I'm ugly. My mother breast-fed me through a straw.
  8. I joined Gambler`s Anonymous. They gave me two to one I don`t make it.

All Rodney Dangerfield quotes