92 Alcohol Quotes

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50, and a fool if he doesn't afterward.

Claret is the liquor for boys; port for men; but he who aspires to be a hero must drink brandy.

It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required.

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.

I had been brought up and trained to have the utmost contempt for people who got drunk - and I would have liked to have the boozing scholars of the Universities wheeled into line and properly chastised for their squalid misuse of what I must ever regard as a gift of the gods.

When I was younger I made it a rule never to take strong drink before lunch. It is now my rule never to do so before breakfast.

I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim.

Sherry...a silly, sickly compound, the use of which will transform a nation, however bold and warlike by nature, into a race of sketchers, scribblers, and punsters, in fact into what Englishmen are at the present day.

Beer, of course, is actually a depressant. But poor people will never stop hoping otherwise.

My family was a bunch of drunks, when I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.

I am more afraid of King Alcohol than of all the bullets of the enemy.

Sleep- the most beautiful experience in life- except drink.

Farewell, woman! I intend Henceforth every night to sit With my lewd, well-natured friend, Drinking to engender wit.

Oh many a peer of England brews Livelier liquor than the Muse, And malt does more than Milton can To justify God's ways to man. Ale, man, ale's the stuff to drink For fellows whom it hurts to think.

All I ever did was to sell beer and whiskey to our best people. All I ever did was to supply a demand that was pretty popular. Why, the very guys that make my trade good are the ones that yell the loudest about me.

For the first twenty years of my life I rocked myself to sleep. It was a harmless enough hobby, but eventually I had to give it up. Throughout the next twenty-two years I lay still and discovered that after a few minutes I could drop off with no problem. Follow seven beers with a couple of scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it's funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own. Often I never even make it to bed. I'd squat down to pet the cat and wake up on the floor eight hours later, having lost a perfectly good excuse to change my clothes. I'm now told that this is not called 'going to sleep' but rather 'passing out,' a phrase that carries a distinct hint of judgment.

One night, returning home, much intoxicated, from one of my haunts about town, I fancied that the cat avoided my presence. I seized him; when, in his fright at my violence, he inflicted a slight wound upon my hand with his teeth. The fury of a demon instantly possessed me. I knew myself no longer. My original soul seemed, at once, to take its flight from my body; and a more than fiendish malevolence, gin-nurtured, thrilled every fiber of my frame. I took from my waistcoat-pocket a penknife, opened it, grasped the poor beast by the throat, and deliberately cut one of its eyes from the socket!

There's no question that we need tougher drunk-driving laws for repeat offenders. We need to take a lesson from European countries where driving isn't a right but a privilege. There isn't a person on this planet by this time who doesn't know that when you consume alcohol you shouldn't get behind the wheel of a car. The people who do it anyway should have their privilege to drive taken away.

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, 'Dude, you have to wait.'[5]

Wine makes a man more pleased with himself. I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others.

Tequila, scorpion honey, harsh dew of the doglands, essence of Aztec, crema de cacti; tequila, oily and thermal like the sun in solution; tequila, liquid geometry of passion; Tequila, the buzzard god who copulates in midair with the ascending souls of dying virgins; tequila, firebug in the house of good taste; O tequila, savage water of sorcery, what confusion and mischief your sly, rebellious drops do generate!'

I exercise extreme self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whisky. By diligent effort, I learnt to like it.

The most dangerous drink is gin. You have to be really, really careful with that. And you also have to be 45, female and sitting on the stairs. Because gin isn't really a drink, it's more a mascara thinner. 'Nobody likes my shoes! I made... I made fifty... fucking vol-au-vents, and not one of you... not one of you... said 'Thank you.'' And my favourite: 'Everybody, shut up. Shut up! This song is all about me.'

Samuel L. Jackson: [people are drinking his beer] Good motherfuckin' choice, motherfuckers! Samuel Jackson! Made painstakingly by me, Samuel L. Jackson! It'll get you drunk! You'll be fucking fat girls in no time! You might even fight a nigga or two! MMM MMM, bitch!

Beer commercials usually have big men, manly men doing manly things: 'You just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer.' Why not a realistic beer commercial like, 'It's five o'clock in the morning. You just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time.'

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil's Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon- and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter. (From a radio show, a 'temperance lecture'.)

I have taken more good from alcohol than alcohol has taken from me.

If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink. But if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a fucking non-alcoholic. Non-alcoholism is a problem too. And there are symptoms, like when you fall down, does it always hurt? - Live at the 40 Watt Club, Athens, Georgia, April 9, 2002

Inspiring bold John Barleycorn! What dangers thou canst make us scorn! Wi' tippenny, we fear nae evil; Wi' usquabae, we'll face the devil!

When I was a practicing alcoholic, I was unbelievable. One side effect was immense suspicion: I'd come off tour like Inspector Clouseau on acid. 'Where's this cornflake come from? It wasn't here before.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors - and miss.

Alcoholics build defenses like the Dutch build dikes. I spent the first twelve years or so of my married life assuring myself that I 'just liked to drink.' I also employed the world-famous Hemingway Defense. Although never clearly articulated (it would not be manly to do so), the Hemingway Defense goes something like this: as a writer, I am a very sensitive fellow, but I am also a man, and real men don't give in to their sensitivities. Only sissy-men do that. Therefore I drink. How else can I face the existential horror of it all and continue to work? Besides, come on, I can handle it. A real man always can.