Rodney Dangerfield Quotes on Jokes
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My mother didn't breast-feed me. She said she liked me as a friend.
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I drink too much. Way too much. I gave a urine sample, there was an olive in it.
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I found there was only one way to look thin. Hang out with fat people.
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It's not easy being me. When I was born the doctor told my mother, 'I did all I could, but he pulled through anyway.'
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My wife is ugly. She's so ugly that when you look up ugly in the dictionary, there's her picture.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me...
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One day I was driving home and saw a guy jogging naked. I asked why, he said, ''Cause you came home early!'