16 Rodney Dangerfield Quotes on Marriage

Rodney Dangerfield quotes on marriage

11. I have good-looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

15. I said to the bartender 'Surprise me.' He pulled out a naked picture of my wife.

20. I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

33. Last night I was making love to my wife and nothing was happening, so I said to her, What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?

38. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

39. My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

40. My wife isn't too smart. She has to reach inside her bra to count to two.

41. My wife is ugly. She's so ugly that when you look up ugly in the dictionary, there's her picture.

42. My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

45. The other night I woke up and my wife was saying sexy things. I looked over and she was on the phone.

48. When my wife has sex with me there's always a reason. The other night she used me to time an egg.

49. With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

50. With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me...

51. With my wife, I've got no sex life. The dog keeps watching me in the bedroom so he can learn how to sit up and beg. I told him to watch my wife so he can learn how to roll over and play dead.

62. One day I was driving home and saw a guy jogging naked. I asked why, he said, ''Cause you came home early!'