Quote #51

With my wife, I've got no sex life. The dog keeps watching me in the bedroom so he can learn how to sit up and beg. I told him to watch my wife so he can learn how to roll over and play dead.

More from Rodney Dangerfield

  1. With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me...
  2. Yeah, I know I'm ugly. I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
  3. With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
  4. You know the best part of having kids? ...making them.
  5. When my wife has sex with me there's always a reason. The other night she used me to time an egg.
  6. I'm so ugly - My mother had morning sickness - After I was born.
  7. When I was a kid, I asked my Mother for a Bubble Bath, so she brought the water to a boil!
  8. I don't play hard to get... I play hard to want!

All Rodney Dangerfield quotes