On Paris Hilton 'She's a piece of shit. The people at 'SNL' were like 'Maybe she'll be fun, maybe she won't take herself so seriously'. She takes herself so seriously! She's unbelievably dumb and so proud of how dumb she is. She looks like a tranny up close... Also, you would walk down the hall and find what just looked like nasty wads of Barbie hair on the stairs... Her hair is like a Fraggle.'

On Matthew McConaughey 'He was always taking his shirt off, he's like 'Yeah, here's my deal, I'm hot.' We had a meeting one day at like 11 o'clock, right befor…

'So, Alec Baldwin; great actor or greatest actor?' I'm gonna say 'greatest actor'; Greatest...living...American...actor...in...the Baldwin family...by a mile.

'Do the NBC bigheads really pay attention to these message boards?' Um, I don't know if they read the message boards. I hope so, because I write fifty to a tho…