Quote #49

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

More from W. C. Fields

  1. Never mind what I told you - do what I I tell you.
  2. Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
  3. My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies
  4. Secretary: 'It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law.' WC: 'Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible.'
  5. My father...one of the great immorals, er, immortals, of our time.
  6. Man: 'I understand you buried your wife several years ago.' WC: 'Yes, I had to. She died.' (from the film Poppy)
  7. More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
  8. Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch...

All W. C. Fields quotes