Quote #47

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies

More from W. C. Fields

  1. My father...one of the great immorals, er, immortals, of our time.
  2. Never mind what I told you - do what I I tell you.
  3. More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
  4. Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
  5. Man: 'I have no sympathy for a man who is intoxicated all the time.' WC: 'A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.'
  6. Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
  7. Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
  8. Secretary: 'It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law.' WC: 'Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible.'

All W. C. Fields quotes