Just down the road stood a little town, which I shall call Dullard lest the people recognize themselves and take me to court or come to my house and batter me with baseball bats.

I watched a rerun on television of a 1960s comedy programme called 'Mr Ed', which was about a talking horse. Judging by the quality of the jokes, I would guess…

A sign in the yard of a church next door said CHRIST IS THE ANSWER. (The question, of course, is: What do you say when you strike your thumb with a hammer?)

I assume he was descended from apes like all the rest of us, but clearly in his case it had been a fairly gentle slope.

I've had death threats... well a petition.

The simplest comment on my book came from my ballet teacher. She said, 'I wish you hadn't made every line funny. It's so depressing.'

One well-known critic has been pleased to like this extravaganza better than anything I have written. Personally I prefer 'The Offshore Pirate.' But, to tamper…