When I purchase a food item at the supermarket, I can be confident that the label will state how much riboflavin is in it. The United States government requires this, and for a good reason, which is: I have no idea. I don't even know what riboflavin is. I do know I eat a lot of it. For example, I often start the day with a hearty Kellogg's strawberry Pop-Tart, which has, according to the label, a riboflavin rating of 10 percent. I assume this means that 10 percent of the Pop-Tart is riboflavin. Maybe it's the red stuff in the middle. Anyway, I'm hoping riboflavin is a good thing; if it turns out that it's a bad thing, like 'riboflavin' is the Latin word for 'cockroach pus,' then I am definitely in trouble.

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put …

The Constitution of the United States of America, Article V, Section 1: 'There shall be a National Anthem containing incomprehensible words and a high note tha…

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.

Musically, my dream is to do what Norah Jones did. I can't play the piano, but to sit next to it and just sing.

When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountai…

Why am I laughing? I don't know... it's incipient madness, that's what it is. I'm quite looking forward to that actually, as I drift into an unattractive middl…