I ain't seen pussy in so long I'd throw stones at it.

You can't kill the Rooster. You might can fuck him up a little sometimes, but you can't kill him.

If finding an apartment is like falling in love, buying one is like proposing on your first date and agreeing not to see each other until the wedding.

She is, like most of my friends, a terrible judge of character.

I consider sex a misdemeanor; the more I miss, de meaner I get.

It is not Beauty I demand, A crystal brow, the moon's despair, Nor the snow's daughter, a white hand, Nor mermaid's yellow pride of hair.

I'm so goddamn horny, the crack of dawn better be careful around me!