I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.

I was walking through the park... plucking out nose hairs. Oh, those sleeping winos HATE that.

If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.

I was walking down the street, something caught my eye... and dragged it fifteen feet.

You never really understood me. You never really tried.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always (Still the dead one lay moaning) I was much too far out all my life And not waving but drowning.

A girl called me the other day and said 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.