When I was a boy, I said, 'Daddy, take me to the zoo.' My father said, 'Son, when the zoo wants you, they'll come and get you'.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'

'Take my camel, dear,' said my aunt Dot, as she climbed down from this animal on her return from High Mass.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the bathroom.