More from George Carlin

  1. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
  2. Nothing is so boring as listening to someone else describe a dream.
  3. Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
  4. People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?' Didn't really give me a choice, did you there, buddy?
  5. 'Meow' means 'woof' in cat.
  6. Property is theft. Nobody 'owns' anything. When you die, it all stays here.
  7. In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
  8. The best thing about living at the water's edge: you only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way, you can hear them…

All George Carlin quotes