7 George Carlin Quotes on Truth

George Carlin quotes on truth

9. Reminds me of something my grandfather would say. He'd say, 'I'm going upstairs to fuck your grandmother.' He was an honest man, and he wasn't going to bullshit a four-year-old.

14. A lot of people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie; tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people [clicks his tongue] just like that!

45. [After providing reasons for cutting down the Ten Commandments] So, with all this in mind, I leave you with my revised list of the Two Commandments: 'Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nooky', and 'Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man from the one you pray to'. Two is all you need, Moses could have carried them down the hill in his fucking pocket, and if they had a list like that, I wouldn't mind those folks in Alabama putting it up on the courthouse wall, as long as they included one additional Commandment: 'Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself'!

59. 'Every child is special.' Boy, they said it over and over, as if to convince themselves, 'every child is special', and I kept saying, 'fuuuck you!' Every child is clearly not special.

61. It's all bullshit, folks, and it's bad for ya.

133. Reminds me of something my grandfather used to say. He used to say 'I'm going upstairs and fuck your grandmother.' Well, he was an honest guy, you know? He wasn't going to bull-shit a 4 year old.

173. 'No comment' is a comment.