Quote #16

(Imitating an old woman) Well when i was a child there was a carnival and we used to play this game called put the apple in the bucket, i was very good at this game, you brought your own apple and you gave the man a penny to put the apple in his bucket, and when the bucket was full he got in a van and fucked off.

More from Jack Dee

  1. I knew this suit was going to be a problem when i went into the store and asked them 'will this make me look fat?' and they replied 'why sh…
  2. The film industry is a lot like Anne Robinson. Always on the lookout for a new face.
  3. I've had death threats... well a petition.
  4. In my local newspaper, they had this advert: 'Please look after your neighbours in the cold weather'. I live next door to this 84-year-old …
  5. I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs... like custom officers.
  6. I was gonna get a BMW and rang my dad who knows a bit about cars. He said, 'You can't get a German car after what your granddad went throug…
  7. I always love it when a great, new, comedian gets hit by a bus.
  8. I wish they'd stop improving car washes. They just keep adding to the choice on that menu. The super valet, super foam valet, super wax val…

All Jack Dee quotes