Quote #19

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous- everyone hasn't met me yet.

Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

More from Jacob Cohen

  1. I told my doctor I wanted a vasectomy. He said, with a face like mine, I don't need one.
  2. I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumb…
  3. I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.
  4. I was so poor growing up, if I wasn't born a boy I'd have nothing to play with.
  5. I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
  6. I was so ugly... When I was born, the doctor slapped my mother!'
  7. I said to the bartender 'Surprise me.' He pulled out a naked picture of my wife.
  8. I was such an ugly kid- when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

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