'I wanted to move my penis around to the back side of my ass, because I don't know which way I'm swinging just yet. But I'd like to keep it just in case.' (from 'Breast Enlargement')

'Runway is just old hat to me, sweetheart.' (from 'The Gay Model')

'Is the Fat Muffin Man there?' (from 'Paradise')

'I'm only scarred about the face, breast, chest, neck, and head. Other than that I look fine - a little makeup conceals everything.' (from 'The Gay Model')

'Great-grandfather died under strange circumstances. He opened a vein in his bath.' 'I never knew baths had veins,' protested Gabrilowitsch.' 'I never knew his…

Then the bowsprit got mixed with the rudder sometimes: A thing, as the Bellman remarked, That frequently happens in tropical climes, When a vessel is, so to sp…

Well, I was missing my earplugs. And the way that I found out why they're missing is because the little Elmo -- his five pounds -- came in to the bedroom and d…