We declared war on terror-it's not even a noun, so, good luck. After we defeat it, I'm sure we'll take on that bastard ennui.

My life [is] a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabbalah center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that's what my handlers tell me. I'm actually too val…

Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.

Lets talk about the real world for a moment. We had been discussing it earlier, and I:I wanted to bring this up to you earlier about the real world, and this i…

The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with either a dead girl or a live boy.

How many watched the President's speech last night? [half-hearted audience applause] How many watched American Idol? [thundering applause] Okay, there you go! …

I can't help feeling wary when I hear anything said about the masses. First you take their faces from 'em by calling 'em the masses and then you accuse 'em of …