20 Jon Stewart Quotes on Media

Jon Stewart quotes on media

1. Little and hairy. But if [The New York Post] want to go with smart and stylish then hey, more power to them. Good luck.

3. I signed up for what? I thought I was just ordering cable.

9. My life [is] a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabbalah center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that's what my handlers tell me. I'm actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh.

10. We declared war on terror-it's not even a noun, so, good luck. After we defeat it, I'm sure we'll take on that bastard ennui.

13. Here is what I believe is the paradigm that would be effective and what I would love to see, and you're going to laugh because Fox News is my model. What Fox has done is they've got a guy, Roger Ailes, who's passionate and has created a model for a 24-hour news station that makes money based on a point of view... Using Fox's model, find someone with the passion and the huevos to just lay it on the line - not in a partisan way, not in the pursuit of political power and political gain, but in the pursuit of credibility. In the pursuit of being a judge, an arbiter, and earning the trust of the audience over time as an oversight to the shenanigans of the political world.

14. If I was to really get at the burr in my saddle, it's not politics - and this is, I think, probably a horrible analogy - but I look at politicians as, they are doing what inherently they need to do to retain power. Their job is to consolidate power. When you go to the zoo and you see a monkey throwing poop, you go, 'that's what monkeys do, what are you gonna do?' But what I wish the media would do more frequently is say 'bad monkey.'

15. It's a brilliant metaphor. What I meant to say was, when you see a monkey masturbating at the zoo...

16. [Robert Novak] apparently, they say, broke his hip. I think it's not the case. I believe his hip tried to escape.

17. How did Memogate get a 'gate'? How did Nipplegate get a 'gate'? We invaded a country with the wrong information, and Janet Jackson's tit got a 'gate'. Who gives out the 'gates'? Is there a 'Gate'-gate? Is there a, a... I mean, it's absolute... We're living in insanity!

18. Everybody wrings their hands about Fox News. You know, 'fair and balanced? Why, that's snide!' Yeah, okay, maybe they're not fair and balanced, but CNN used to have the slogan 'You Can Depend on CNN'. Guess what? I watch it, no you can't. So what's the difference?

19. You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.

20. You have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.

21. [To Tucker Carlson] How old are you? [Carlson:] Thirty-five. [Stewart:] And you wear a bow tie... So this is theater... Now, listen, I'm not suggesting that you're not a smart guy, because those are not easy to tie... But the thing is that this -- you're doing theater, when you should be doing debate, which would be great... It's not honest. What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery.

22. You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?

26. The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. That's all it is. All those media companies say, 'We're going to make a killing here.' You won't because it's still only as good as the content.

35. If there's anyone out there involved in illegal movie piracy... don't do it. Take a good look at these people. These are the people you're stealing from. Look at them! Face what you've done! There are women here who can barely afford enough gown to cover their breasts.

40. We are not warriors in anyone's army. And that is not trying to be self-deprecating. I'm proud of what we do. I really like these two shows. I like making 'em. I like watching them. I'm really proud of them. But I understand their place. I don't view us as people who lead social movements.

42. The best part is that I'm able to come in, and whenever I want, choose an intern... oh, wait - Is this being recorded? No, the coolest part is the ability to have a silly thought about whatever is going on in your world at 10 o'clock in the morning, and be able to see it go out on the airwaves at 11 o'clock that night. That's an amazing privilege.

59. A free and independent press is essential to the health of a functioning democracy. It serves to inform the voting public on matters relevant to its well-being. Why they've stopped doing that is a mystery. I mean, 300 camera crews outside a courthouse to see what Kobe Bryant is wearing when the judge sets his hearing date, while false information used to send our country to war goes unchecked? What the fuck happened?

76. The Daily Show