More from Jon Stewart

  1. Has your boss ever poured scalding hot Celestial Seasonings Lemon Zinger on to your arm?...It doesn't just burn, OK?, it's also citrus, and…
  2. My boss is like, if you took Willy Wonka, and mixed him with Hitler. He's got like, he's crazy like Willie Wonka and he's psycho like Hitle…
  3. Clearly, I like to poke fun.
  4. What was God thinking in putting all his holy sites in one area? Like two blocks from each other. Is the idea for God ... He just put it in…
  5. It's like putting Captain Ahab in charge of save the whales.
  6. I'm 145 pounds of asthma.
  7. I heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate, 'When I'm president...' and I just wanted to stop him and say, 'Dude.'
  8. I love watching the White House press conferences; they're very enjoyable. I love watching talented journalists who spent their entire live…

All Jon Stewart quotes