10 Jon Stewart Quotes on Satire

Jon Stewart quotes on satire

8. If done for the right reasons, liberating a country from a despot, I don't see how that's immoral. Ah, done quickly, and then we all leave, yeah that's kind of... I mean, it's so much obviously more complicated than that. They're literally, if he doesn't allow inspections, we're bombing him - I'll allow inspections. If he doesn't allow them... on Tuesday - I'll allow them on Tuesday. If he doesn't serve fondue - alright, I'll serve fondue. I mean, they're gonna do anything, it's clear they cast their die, I mean, as hard as it is for Dick Cheney to get an erection, he's not gonna let this opportunity go by.

15. It's a brilliant metaphor. What I meant to say was, when you see a monkey masturbating at the zoo...

16. [Robert Novak] apparently, they say, broke his hip. I think it's not the case. I believe his hip tried to escape.

17. How did Memogate get a 'gate'? How did Nipplegate get a 'gate'? We invaded a country with the wrong information, and Janet Jackson's tit got a 'gate'. Who gives out the 'gates'? Is there a 'Gate'-gate? Is there a, a... I mean, it's absolute... We're living in insanity!

22. You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?

25. Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.

39. Here's the way I look at it. President Bush has uranium-tipped bunker busters and I have puns. I think he'll be OK.

45. Orthodox Jews, or, as they are known in the Talmud, the Really Chosen Ones, are committed to the idea that the entire Torah was dictated by God verbatim to Moses at Mount Sinai... Other forms of Judaism dispute this claim, although it does explain certain passages in the first Torah, such as, 'I'm sorry, am I boring you?' and 'What do you like better, Moses, Lord Almighty or Big Hoohah?'

55. Through most of colonial history, inhabitants of the 13 colonies were loyal subjects of the British crown - resourceful, dedicated and as the Third Duchess of Kent... was fond of saying, 'Some tea-drinking' motherfuckahs.' In fact, whenever the subject of the New World was mentioned, the Duchess could always be counted on for a wistful head-shake and a hearty 'Motherfuckahs love that motherfuckin' tea.'

60. The show in general we feel like is a privilege. Even the idea that we can sit in the back of the country and make wise cracks... which is really what we do. We sit in the back and throw spitballs--but never forgetting that it is a luxury in this country that allows us to do that. That is, a country that allows for open satire, and I know that sounds basic and it sounds like it goes without saying. But that's really what this whole situation is about. It's the difference between closed and open. The difference between free and... burdened. And we don't take that for granted here, by any stretch of the imagination.