[Robert Novak] apparently, they say, broke his hip. I think it's not the case. I believe his hip tried to escape.

It's a brilliant metaphor. What I meant to say was, when you see a monkey masturbating at the zoo...

How did Memogate get a 'gate'? How did Nipplegate get a 'gate'? We invaded a country with the wrong information, and Janet Jackson's tit got a 'gate'. Who give…

If I was to really get at the burr in my saddle, it's not politics - and this is, I think, probably a horrible analogy - but I look at politicians as, they are…

The only gossip I'm interested in is in the Weekly World News- 'Woman's bra bursts, 11 injured.' That kind of thing.

You gotta see English crime. It's hilarious, you don't know if you're reading the front page or the comic section over there. I swear to God. I read an article…

My life [is] a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabbalah center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that's what my handlers tell me. I'm actually too val…