9 Jon Stewart Quotes on History

Jon Stewart quotes on history

44. Nazi Germany was so destructive to Judaism not only for the loss of life, but because many who survived began to see the practice of Judaism as somewhat of a health hazard.

49. Hitler: Denial is a powerful thing... I always thought I could stop any time I wanted. 'If I could just get Czechoslovakia, that'll be the end of it. I'll be happy then.' And then I'd get it and think, well geez, Poland's just up the road a piece and... you know the rest.

52. 1300 BC: God gives Ten Commandments to Israelites, making them His Chosen People and granting them eternal protection under Divine Law. Nothing bad ever happens to Jews again.

53. May 3, 325: Rome built.

54. 30 AD: Death penalty debate heats up after controversial execution of alleged 'Son of God'.

55. Through most of colonial history, inhabitants of the 13 colonies were loyal subjects of the British crown - resourceful, dedicated and as the Third Duchess of Kent... was fond of saying, 'Some tea-drinking' motherfuckahs.' In fact, whenever the subject of the New World was mentioned, the Duchess could always be counted on for a wistful head-shake and a hearty 'Motherfuckahs love that motherfuckin' tea.'

56. But on what basis should the three branches of government be divided? It came down to two dueling ideas: Madison's proposal of an executive, judicial and legislative branch, and Georgia's Joseph Morton's proposal to dole out power according to, 'The presence, forbearance, rectictude and largeosity of one's 'Plums and Carrot'.' After much deliberation, it was decided Madison's proposal would be accepted, Morton only relenting after the Constitutional Convention agreed to proclaim him 'impressive.'

57. By far the most revolutionary aspect of this new position [of the presidency] would be who could hold it. The short answer: just about anyone. By placing no explicit race, gender, or religious requirements on the presidency, the Founders opened the door the a true meritocracy. Why no women, blacks, or non-Christians have answered the founders' challenge is a mystery, though most indications point to some inherent genetic flaw. (William Howard Taft came closest, having what most observers agreed were boobs.)

72. What was God thinking in putting all his holy sites in one area? Like two blocks from each other. Is the idea for God ... He just put it in there like, 'I just want to see who wants it more.'