So I was drinking tequila, and I was drinking grappa, which is Italian for gasoline, and I was drinking Jagermeister, which I believe is the liquid equivalent of Wonder Woman's golden lasso, because it will make you tell anybody the truth for no reason whatsoever. 'You have really bad skin. Thanks for the drink.'

Then there was this extra on the set who runs up to me and says, 'Oh, I know you! I know who you is, I seen you before. You that comedienne, Margaret Cho! I sa…

And I got so drunk, I got so drunk that I actually woke up thinking, 'Should I get up and pee, or just pee in the bed?' Actually weighing the pros and the cons…

I was working on this movie and the makeup artist was just so ugly! I just wanted to say 'Physician, heal thyself!' She looked exactly like Aaron Neville, and …

And I got so drunk, I got so drunk that I actually woke up thinking, 'Should I get up and pee, or just pee in the bed?' Actually weighing the pros and the cons…

There are, broadly speaking, two types of drinkers. There is the man whom we all know, stupid, unimaginative, whose brain is bitten numbly by numb maggots; who…

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.