68 Drinking Quotes

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50, and a fool if he doesn't afterward.

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.

I haven't had an alcoholic drink in 22 years, but when I did drink I'd go for either Canadian whisky or Budweiser. Sometimes both. For a long time I used to think 'Hey you, get off the floor!' was my name.

My family was a bunch of drunks, when I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.

Well, between Scotch and nothin', I suppose I'd take Scotch. It's the nearest thing to good moonshine I can find.

Drink today, and drown all sorrow; You shall perhaps not do't tomorrow.

The most dangerous drink is gin. You have to be really, really careful with that. And you also have to be 45, female and sitting on the stairs. Because gin isn't really a drink, it's more a mascara thinner. 'Nobody likes my shoes! I made... I made fifty... fucking vol-au-vents, and not one of you... not one of you... said 'Thank you.'' And my favourite: 'Everybody, shut up. Shut up! This song is all about me.'

Fill all the glasses there, for why Should every creature drink but I? Why, man of morals, tell me why?

Here's to the maiden of bashful fifteen; Here's to the widow of fifty; Here's to the flaunting, extravegant quean, And here's to the housewife that's thrifty. Let the toast pass- Drink to the lass; I'll warrant she'll prove an excuse for the glass.

Beer commercials usually have big men, manly men doing manly things: 'You just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer.' Why not a realistic beer commercial like, 'It's five o'clock in the morning. You just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time.'

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil's Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon- and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter. (From a radio show, a 'temperance lecture'.)

Man: 'I have no sympathy for a man who is intoxicated all the time.' WC: 'A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.'

Stone Cold Steve Austin... The Rock knows how much you like to drink. So The Rock is offering you a couple of drinks tonight. The drinks are on The Great One. But here's a stipulation, Austin: The Rock says don't get drunk and pass out, or else you'll wake up with The Rock's fist in your mouth, and his foot up your ass!

Inspiring bold John Barleycorn! What dangers thou canst make us scorn! Wi' tippenny, we fear nae evil; Wi' usquabae, we'll face the devil!

When you get up in the morning and you have your first couple of beers and you throw up blood - that's probably not a good sign ... I don't think that's supposed to happen!

What am I drinking? The sweat off fucking baby Jesus' loins for all you know.

Jejunis nil scribo: meum post pocula si quis legerit, hic sapiet. Sed magis hic sapiet, si dormiet: et putet ista somnia missa sibi.

The serjeant was describing a military life. It was all drinking, he said, except that there were frequent intervals of eating and love-making.

I'm not suicidal, except when I drink. That's why we don't all drink at the same time, there'd be no-one alive to drive home.

Poe...was perhaps the first great nonstop literary drinker of the American nineteenth century. He made the indulgences of Coleridge and De Quincy seem like a bit of mischief in the kitchen with the cooking sherry.

I've seldom had such a tough, callous ox to examine as this fellow Kaltenbrunner. A block of wood would be more sensitive. He's coarse, hard-bitten, probably only capable of thinking when he's drunk. Naturally, he'll be the right man for Hitler. I gave Himmler a report on all this, but he still seems to think he's the right man.

Yeah, I graduated with a 4.0: blood alcohol level.

On one occasion Kid Jensen, Paul Burnett and myself - not a carefully honed fighting team, but nonetheless filled with drink - we went down and waited in the underground carpark at the BBC for the opportunity to beat up Simon Bates. Fortunately he didn't turn up, or we might have suffered an embarrassing reverse, as he's probably stronger than us.

So I was drinking tequila, and I was drinking grappa, which is Italian for gasoline, and I was drinking Jagermeister, which I believe is the liquid equivalent of Wonder Woman's golden lasso, because it will make you tell anybody the truth for no reason whatsoever. 'You have really bad skin. Thanks for the drink.'

And I got so drunk, I got so drunk that I actually woke up thinking, 'Should I get up and pee, or just pee in the bed?' Actually weighing the pros and the cons. 'Well, it'll be warm for a minute... It's a big bed, I'll just roll over... I'll just blame it on that guy!'

I was na fou, but just had plenty.

His ancient, trusty, drouthy crony: Tam lo'ed him like a vera brither- They had been fou for weeks thegither.

(Falls down in a drunken stupor): Let's sit down.

Charlie McCarthy: 'Say, Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about that?' WC: 'He'd think I was a sissy.' (from a radio show)

I never wanted to be an actor, I wanted to be a drunk. Now I'm neither, but nobody can tell the difference.

Drink and dance and laugh and lie, Love, the reeling midnight through, For tomorrow we shall die! (But, alas, we never do.)

One more drink and I'd have been under the host.

I wish I could drink like a lady, I'll have one or two at the most. Three and I'm under the table, Four and I'm under the host.

As for the brandy, 'nothing extenuate;' and the water, put nought in it malice.

I drink to make other people interesting.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Petition me no petitions, sir, to-day; Let other hours be set apart for business. Today it is our pleasure to be drunk; And this our queen shall be as drunk as we.

There are, broadly speaking, two types of drinkers. There is the man whom we all know, stupid, unimaginative, whose brain is bitten numbly by numb maggots; who walks generously with wide-spread, tentative legs, falls frequently in the gutter, and who sees, in the extremity of his ecstasy, blue mice and pink elephants.... The other type of drinker has imagination, vision. Even when most pleasantly jingled he walks straight and naturally, never staggers nor falls, and knows just where he is and what he is doing. It is not his body but his brain that is drunken.

I was five years old the first time I got drunk.

Men do not knowingly drink for the effect alcohol produces on the body. What they drink for is the brain-effect; and if it must come through the body, so much the worse for the body.

The fortunate man is the one who cannot take more than a couple of drinks without becoming intoxicated. The unfortunate wight is the one who can take many glasses without betraying a sign; who must take numerous glasses in order to get the kick.

One (martini) is all right, two is too many, three is not enough.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Drink to me. Drink to my health. You know I can't drink any more.

I work until beer o'clock.

Oh, about beer I never lie. A man who lies about beer makes enemies.