Never accept a drink from a urologist.

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

I'm ugly I'm tellin' ya. My proctologist, he stuck his finger in my mouth.

I work until beer o'clock.

Jejunis nil scribo: meum post pocula si quis legerit, hic sapiet. Sed magis hic sapiet, si dormiet: et putet ista somnia missa sibi.