My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

Memory deficiency got so bad with me, I forgot to repeat a piece of gossip I swore on my Grandmother's Grave never to divulge.

Well, I was missing my earplugs. And the way that I found out why they're missing is because the little Elmo -- his five pounds -- came in to the bedroom and d…

It's not easy being a man! Oh no..I had to get dressed today... and there are other pressures.

'We'd have to go self-service.'