Quote #33

I got an ant farm...them fellas didn't grow shit.

More from Mitch Hedberg

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  2. I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that's real easy to remember. Something like two two two two two two …
  3. My roommate said to me, 'I'm gonna go shave and use the shower, does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some weird ass quiz where …
  4. If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink. But if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a fucking non-alcoholic. Non-alcoholism is a…
  5. I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
  6. I ordered a chicken sandwich but I think the waitress mis-understood me because she said, 'How would you like your eggs?' So I tried to ans…
  7. My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said 'no, but I want a regular banana later, so ... yeah'.
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All Mitch Hedberg quotes