Quote #41

On a stop light green means go and yellow means slow down, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means, 'where the fuck did you get that banana at?'

More from Mitch Hedberg

  1. Whenever I go to shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving, so I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
  2. I never joined the army because 'at ease' never seemed that easy to me. It seemed rather uptight, still. I do not relax by putting my arms …
  3. Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier'n helpin' 'em move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not st…
  4. My friend said to me, 'I think the weather's trippy.' I said, 'No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps it is the way that we p…
  5. A guy told me he liked cherries...but... I waited to see if he was gonna say tomato...before i realized he likes cherries just...alright, t…
  6. I dressed up for the CD
  7. My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said 'no, but I want a regular banana later, so ... yeah'.
  8. I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

All Mitch Hedberg quotes