Quote #64

I like vending machines 'cuz snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at a store, oftentimes, I will drop it so that it achieves it's maximum flavor potential.

More from Mitch Hedberg

  1. My apartment is infested with koala bears. Its the cutest infestation ever. Much better than cockroaches.
  2. So I wish I could play little league now, I'd kick some fuckin' ass.
  3. I wrote a script and gave it to a guy that reads scripts. And he read it and said he really likes it, but he thinks I need to rewrite it. I…
  4. If I was a locksmith I'd be fuckin' pimpin' that shit out.'Say, what's goin' on, man? Tell you what. I'll trade you a free key duplication(…
  5. If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.
  6. I drank some boiling water 'cuz I wanted to whistle
  7. I've always wanted a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist
  8. This is a CD called HIT AND MISS.

All Mitch Hedberg quotes