I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous- everyone hasn't met me yet.

I told my doctor I wanted a vasectomy. He said, with a face like mine, I don't need one.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

He sipped at a weak hock and seltzer As he gazed at the London skies Through the Nottingham lace of the curtains Or was it his bees-winged eyes?

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always (Still the dead one lay moaning) I was much too far out all my life And not waving but drowning.

I have now come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying, and for this reason; I can never be satisfied with anyone who would be blockhead enough to …