I told my doctor I wanted a vasectomy. He said, with a face like mine, I don't need one.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous- everyone hasn't met me yet.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

Are you kiddin'? I know I'm ugly. My mother breast-fed me through a straw.

I bought myself a Wonderbra For fourteen ninety nine, It looked so good on the model girl's chest, And I hoped it would on mine, I took it from the packaging A…

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you're fat.