Quote #5

Are you kiddin'? I know I'm ugly. My mother breast-fed me through a straw.

More from Jacob Cohen

  1. A hooker told me 'Not on the first date.'
  2. My mother didn't breast-feed me. She said she liked me as a friend.
  3. A girl called me the other day and said 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
  4. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
  5. You know my Doctor, Doctor Vinny BoomBots... I called and told him I had a bad case of diarrhea. - He put me on hold!
  6. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
  7. I don't get no respect!!!
  8. I drink too much. Way too much. I gave a urine sample, there was an olive in it.

All Jacob Cohen quotes