One day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, 'Didn't you see the stop sign?' I said, 'Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.'

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

In total desperation, I called over to the engineering building, and I said, 'Please cut off a nanosecond and send it over to me.'

At the end of about a week, I called back and said, 'I need something to compare this to. Could I please have a microsecond?'

Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using…