Tom Waits Quotes on Humor
-
I'm so goddamn horny, the crack of dawn better be careful around me!
-
Your veal cutlet gets up off the plate, It walks down to end of the counter and beat the shit out of my cup of coffee. I guess the coffee just wasn't strong enough to defend itself.
-
I don't have a drinking problem 'cept when I can't get a drink.
-
The piano has been drinking, not me.
-
'I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.'
-
The dog won't bite if you beat Him with a bone
-
In response to a heckler at his concert at Toronto's Massey Hall in the late 1980's who complained that he could not hear Waits, he replied: 'I haven't screamed as much since the pigs ate my baby brother!'