7 Tom Waits Quotes on Humor

Tom Waits quotes on humor

3. I'm so goddamn horny, the crack of dawn better be careful around me!

5. Your veal cutlet gets up off the plate, It walks down to end of the counter and beat the shit out of my cup of coffee. I guess the coffee just wasn't strong enough to defend itself.

6. I don't have a drinking problem 'cept when I can't get a drink.

8. The piano has been drinking, not me.

18. 'I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.'

22. The dog won't bite if you beat Him with a bone

29. In response to a heckler at his concert at Toronto's Massey Hall in the late 1980's who complained that he could not hear Waits, he replied: 'I haven't screamed as much since the pigs ate my baby brother!'