More from W. C. Fields

  1. Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose- to make people laugh.
  2. I don't drink water. Fish poop in it.
  3. Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone e…
  4. (singing) I'd rather have two girls at twenty-one each, than one girl at forty-two.
  5. WC: 'Is it true your father was a gate-leg table?' McCarthy: 'If he was, then your father was under it!' (from a radio show)
  6. Hangman: 'Have you any last wish?' WC: 'Yes, I'd like to see Paris before I die . . . Philadelphia will do.' (from My Little Chickadee)
  7. Charlie McCarthy: 'Say, Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about t…
  8. Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

All W. C. Fields quotes