700 Performance Quotes

I have often seen an actor laugh off the stage, but I don't remember ever having seen one weep.

I don't think that we necessarily lie. I mean, we make our living by pretending that we're someone else. I don't tell tall tales. I always tell the truth.

Mistakes are part of the game. It's how well you recover from them, that's the mark of a great player.

Acting is not pretending or lying. It's finding a side of yourself that's the character and ignoring your other sides. And there's a side of me that wonders what's wrong with being completely honest.

My first big acting performance was in the Marilyn Monroe biography piece, and it required frontal nudity. I talked to Mira Sorvino, my co-star, about how nervous I was because I didn't know how my mom would react. She said, 'Can I be completely honest with you? I've seen your mom in interviews, and she seems pretty screwed up. I don't think there's much you could do to shock a broad like that.' And from that moment on it was big nipples to the wind!

As soon as I got out there I felt a strange relationship with the pitcher's mound. It was as if I'd been born out there. Pitching just felt like the most natural thing in the world. Striking out batters was easy.

A man who strains himself on the stage is bound, if he is any good, to strain all the people sitting in the stalls.

Wave after wave of love flooded the stage and washed over me, the beginning of the one great durable romance of my life.

The funny thing about our act is that dad gets the worst of it, although I'm the one who apparently receives the bruises . . . the secret is in landing limp and breaking the fall with a foot or a hand. It's a knack. I started so young that landing right is second nature with me. Several times I'd have been killed if I hadn't been able to land like a cat. Imitators of our act don't last long, because they can't stand the treatment.

I liked myself better when I wasn't me.

Actresses can get outrageously precious about the way they look. That's not what life's about. If you starve yourself to the point where your brain cells shrivel, you will never do good work. And if you're overly conscious of your arms flapping in the wind, how can you look the other actor in the eye to respond to them?

I've always believed that acting is instinct to start with; you either have it or you don't.

Adding power makes you faster on the straights. Subtracting weight makes you faster everywhere.

Actresses are such very dull people off the stage. We are only delightful and brilliant when we are doing what we are told to do. Off stage we are awful chumps.

Difficulty is the excuse history never accepts.

Man, I was tame compared to what they do now. Are you kidding? I didn't do anything but just jiggle.

He played the King as though under momentary apprehension that someone else was about to play the ace.

His courtesy was somewhat extravagant. He would write and thank people who wrote to thank him for wedding presents and when he encountered anyone as punctilious as himself the correspondence ended only with death.

When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not.

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

San Francisco has always been my favorite booing city. I don't mean the people boo louder or longer, but there is a very special intimacy. When they boo you, you know they mean you. Music, that's what it is to me. One time in Kezar Stadium they gave me a standing boo.

[Malipiero's advice to Casanova.] If you wish your audience to cry, you must shed tears yourself, but if you wish to make them laugh you must contrive to look as serious as a judge.

[I would like to be] one of [the first pop singers to perform in a free Cuba]. I know the list is huge. And it would be hard to pull off -- I'd have a lump as big as a tostone [fried green plantain] in my throat. But oh my God, what a dream -- it would be the height of my personal and professional career.

Jim Morrison was a well-built boy, larger than average, and young enough to maintain the engorged silent connection right through the residue of chemicals.

But it must not be thought that I say this out of personal experience: for in the many years that I have been before the public my secret methods have been steadily shielded by the strict integrity of my assistants, most of whom have been with me for years.

But then, so far as I know, I am the only performer who ever pledged his assistants to secrecy, honor and allegiance under a notarial oath.

Eating coals of fire has always been one of the sensational feats of the Fire Kings, as it is quite generally known that charcoal burns with an extremely intense heat.

Flames from the lips may be produced by holding in the mouth a sponge saturated with the purest gasoline.

In all feats of fire-eating it should be noted that the head is thrown well back, so that the flame may pass out of the open mouth instead of up into the roof, as it would if the head were held naturally.

My professional life has been a constant record of disillusion, and many things that seem wonderful to most men are the every-day commonplaces of my business.

No performer should attempt to bite off red-hot iron unless he has a good set of teeth.

The eating of burning brimstone is an entirely fake performance.

Ninety percent of this game is mental, and the other half is physical.

'For me, the most important thing is the element of chance that is built into a live performance. The very great drawback of recorded sound is the fact that it is always the same. No matter how wonderful a recording is, I know that I couldn't live with it--even of my own music--with the same nuances forever.' Quoted in Classic Essays on Twentieth-Century Music, ISBN 0028645812

'I hope my recordings of my own works won't inhibit other people's performances. The brutal fact is that one doesn't always get the exact tempo one wants, although one improves with experience.' Quoted in Classic Essays on Twentieth-Century Music, ISBN 0028645812

Now life is the only art that we are required to practice without preparation, and without being allowed the preliminary trials, the failures and botches, that are essential for the training of a mere beginner. In life, we must begin to give a public performance before we have acquired even a novice's skill; and often our moments of seeming mastery are upset by new demands, for which we have acquired no preparatory facility. Life is a score that we play at sight, not merely before we have divined the intentions of the composer, but even before we have mastered our instruments; even worse, a large part of the score has been only roughly indicated, and we must improvise the music for our particular instrument, over long passages. On these terms, the whole operation seems one of endless difficulty and frustration; and indeed, were it not for the fact that some of the passages have been played so often by our predecessors that, when we come to them, we seem to recall some of the score and can anticipate the natural sequence of the notes, we might often give up in sheer despair. The wonder is not that so much cacophony appears in our actual individual lives, but that there is any appearance of harmony and progression.

If you are The Game, then quite frankly, you need to go back to the drawing board because your game absolutely sucks!

MANKIND: 'Rock, what I'm about to do is show the millions--' THE ROCK: (Rock holds out his hand to stop Mankind) 'Don't you EVER do that again.' LAWLER: 'Gimmick infringement!'

This ain't 'Sing Along With The Rock'!

The Rock says, they didn't keep you at the bottom of the barrel just because you wanted to say goodbye to your roody poo friends in Madison Square Garden, no. The Rock says, they kept you at the bottom of the barrel because you absolutely suck.

(Addressing Billy Gunn) The night you won King of the Ring, you got down on your kness, and you said a prayer and it sounded like this: (whiny voice as Billy Gunn) 'Oh dear God, you see, my name's Billy, and I just won King of the Ring. But there's one problem. Everybody still thinks (in more strident tones)THAT I ABSOLUTELY SUCK!' And then Billy, the clouds parted, the Heavens opened, and God Himself spoke to you and said this: 'BOB,' 'But my name's Billy.' 'IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS! BOB, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT; YOU DO SUCK!'

Yes, he's a prick, but he sure can hit. God Almighty, that man can hit!

If you are The Game, then quite frankly, you need to go back to the drawing board because your game absolutely sucks!

Now my life is pretty much bliss. I have two healthy children and a great marriage (Emilio and I have been together for 28 years). I still have one ambition: to do a concert in Cuba. It's the beginning of the end for Castro and, well, I've performed for every audience of practically every nationality except my own. Performing there would be one ot the highlights of my life.

'My ego only needs a good rhythm section.' On being asked what he looked for in musicians.

Check this joke out: (Pointing to the back of the room as if to relay his post-show whereabouts.) If you wanna talk to me after the show I'll be : fuckin' surprised.

Some people think I'm high on stage; I would never get high before a show, because, when I'm high, I don't wanna stand in front of a bunch of people I don't know. That does not sound comfortable. Like, when you're high, and a joke doesn't work, it's extra scary. It's like,'Whoa, what the hell happened there? I am retreating within myself. Why have all these people gathered? And why am I elevated? Why am I not facing the same way as everyone else? And what is this electric stick in my hand?'

You can pretend to be serious but you can't pretend to be funny.

He has this great poetic and fantastic voice and what I love about Van, and what I forget to do sometimes is, well I can tell when Van is just like drifting into sort of a zone he just drifts into a place where the whole world is shut out and you can tell that he's in that spot. It's almost a dream-like, trance-like state, singing sometimes. That's really what music is all about. It's almost a jazz concept if you know what I mean - you just kinda go out and you're just wingin' it and I love that about Van, he will risk that, he will go on and on and on and he won't fade the ending before the magic happens, as it were.

I get onstage now with more attitude at fifty-seven than I had when I was twenty. When I was twenty, my attitude was kind of like, 'Yeah, yeah:I'm a big rock star.' Now, when I get onstage, I go up there, and I am the Moriarty of rock. I am the consummate villain. I am the Hannibal Lector of rock, and I play it like that. Alice just seems like an arrogant bastard or villain who is making the audience feel as though they are lucky to be there when in reality that is exactly the opposite of my personality. With Alice though:it is great to play him or portray him as an Alan Rickman type character who is very condescending. That's what makes him fun to watch - he's Captain Hook.

Centuries ago, when I first stood on that little boulevard stage in Paris-when I saw the happy faces, when I heard applause- I felt as if my body and soul had found their destiny; I felt as if every promise in my birth and childhood had begun its fulfillment at last.

My heart was beating. I got sick in my stomach and my hands were sweating - everything you feel when you are under pressure. I've been nervous before, but nothing like this.

If you're so tired we can order an ice cream cake, we can have it delived to the stage.

We've been remarkably consistent, haven't lost a game and we have played stylish football. We have entertained people who just love football.

They are real fighters. We can improve our team play. We can do better at home (Premiership), better in Europe and better in the Worthington Cup.

My car reacts a bit nervously on this kind of surface. This stems from its special aerodynamics but it's also got to do with a difficulty in the suspension.

This one's in the key of C...I won't fuck this up.

Performance number 1,000, if I play it that long, will take place in a well-padded booby-hatch.

I shake my tits a lot. If you don't want to listen, you can just watch.

If you take any band that's ascended to stadium rock and look at their live show it becomes a series of everybody-put-your-hands-in-the-air singalongs. Why is that? Because they're dealing with the lowest common denominator of the musical audience -- the least amount of sophistication and the least amount of emotional connection with the band... And sometimes when we play, I feel that people are only there to hear 'Disarm' or 'Today' and they don't give a fuck about the rest of the show or who we are as people, yet they want some emotion from us.

You see all those empty seats? That's not who we play for -- we play for you. I want you to remember we won't forget you -- so don't you forget about us.

I think sex would be the keyword. Our music is kind of like having sex. Well, sometimes you go fast sometimes you go slow sometimes you stop.

'Hey boss, do you think I look like a caveman?' - 'I don't know about that, but you bloody play like one.'

I have a minus score (against Spassky). I lost 3 and drew 2. I was better than him when I lost those games. I pressed for the win. My overall tournament record is much better than his. I'm not afraid of him, he's afraid of me.

For me the ideal Olympics would be to go in with all that pressure, all that attention and have performances that are literally tear-jerking, that make people put their heads down because they're embarrassed at how emotional they're getting, that make people want to try sports, talk to their kids, call their f---ing ex-wives-and come away with no medals. I think that would be epic. That would be the perfect thing.

Carlson: Give me the chronology of the kiss. How did you decide to kiss Madonna? Spears: Actually, in rehearsals it wasn't something like 'This is what we're going to do.' It was kind of like we play around a little bit and she said before the performance, let's just feel it out and see what happens. I didn't know it was going to be that long and everything, but it was cool.

Yes, I've done Britney Spears, but don't blame me, okay? I make her up and she just takes everything off and does her own thing.

As an instructor, you must be able to distinguish between poor performance caused by lack of ability or aptitude on the part of the student and poor performance caused by lack of effort. You should treat the first with patience and the latter with firmness. You must never apply sarcasm and ridicule.

I wanted to do in boxing what Bruce Lee was able to do in the martial arts. Lee was an artist and, like him, I try to get beyond the fundamentals of my sport. I want my fights to be seen as plays.

At every date he goes out and sits in every section of the hall to listen to the sound. And if it isn't right, even in the last row, I hear about it and we make changes. I mean every date too.

I think he's a great guitarist, a great musician and an excellent keyboard player - which most people don't know. But he knows what sets him apart from everybody is that he's a brilliant writer. Part of that is having a vision to put it across onstage as a performer, too.

Jealously: 'There are few surer ways to become disliked by men than to perform well where they have performed poorly.'

The camera can't catch my blushes!

The moment you give me a locomotive and things like that to play with, as a rule I find some way of getting laughs with it.

No other comedian could do as much with the dead-pan. He used this great, sad, motionless face to suggest various related things; a one track mind near the track's end of pure insanity; mulish imperturbability under the wildest of circumstances; how dead a human being can get and still be alive; an awe-inspiring sort of patience and power to endure, proper to granite but uncanny in flesh and blood.

With his dark, sensitive looks, his face in repose evoking years of quiet contemplation, he resembled a mixture of Buddhist monk and fashion model. He offered the ideal face and acting style for motion pictures, proving less is more. He would become a master of knowing when to do nothing at all.

Maybe the trouble is that modern comics strive too hard to be sophisticated and knowing. What we've lost over the years is innocence and, as Keaton and company prove, innocence is an integral part of comedy.

My disappointment is that so many of you are so gullible, that you eat everything you are fed. Even the 'system' lends to the madness. Your world requires the California Board of Parole to call me before them for release consideration. On my recent appearances they have had the room full of TV cameras so that everyone can go through their act of justice and efficiency for anyone that wants to watch. But it's a game with two sides, theirs and mine. They know they aren't about to let me out. And to make them feel good about their foregone conclusion, I play the fool for them and their cameras. And even if they should say, 'Okay, Manson, you can go home', I'd have to ask, Go where? You gave me this cell when I was 12 years old. I've become as much a part of the cells as the bars on the windows and doors. This is my home.

They're looking for something dirty in everything, and if you're looking for something, you'll find it. You have to put up some kind of face for them, and that's the only face they understand.

We're not the Grateful Dead or Pink Floyd. We're Linkin Park, and we cut all the fat out. We don't do guitar or drum solos.

It's definitely a different world. Smoking is bad for your voice, for sure, but you learn to function in that world of bad. Now I'm in better shape, and I'm much more physical onstage, but I have to watch getting winded. Once I'm winded, I don't sing right. I would have smoked three cigarettes already during this interview [laughs].

At a talent show in sixth grade at Christ the King, my Catholic school in Seattle. I remember being incredibly nervous and also bringing the house down. Teachers were crying. I sang a song called 'One Tin Soldier.' A girl in my class knew it on piano and accompanied me.

Woman in audience: Hey, Chris! Chris: Hey, girl! Gimme back my money!

'I would take a twirling baton and use it as my 'icaphone' - that's what I called it - and lay a towel on the floor as my stage.'

'I`d sing to it, over and over, and imagine like I had this audience.' (about the 'Sound Of Music' soundtrack)

'A lot of people out there lip-sync. I think it's really unfair to those of us that are out there doing it for real.'

'It`s alright for artists like 50 Cent and P. Diddy to have girls dancing around them and on top of them in nothing but slinky little thongs, but when a woman comes out on her own and does, then it`s like OH MY GOD!!! how dare she?!'

To add speed, add lightness.

Why have our two consuls and praetors come out today wearing their embroidered, their scarlet togas? Why have they put on bracelets with so many amethysts, rings sparkling with magnificent emeralds? Why are they carrying elegant canes beautifully worked in silver and gold? Because the barbarians are coming today and things like that dazzle the barbarians.

Forty years ago, when Dylan Thomas read, he spent half the program reciting other poets' work. Hardly a self-effacing man, he was nevertheless humble before his art. Today most readings are celebrations less of poetry than of the author's ego. No wonder the audience for such events usually consists entirely of poets, would-be poets, and friends of the author.

Poems should be memorized, recited, and performed. The sheer joy of the art must be emphasized. The pleasure of performance is what first attracts children to poetry, the sensual excitement of speaking and hearing the words of the poem. Performance was also the teaching technique that kept poetry vital for centuries. Maybe it also holds the key to poetry's future.

Let me show you how I go to the bathroom. (Proceeds to take a dump in the classroom rubbish bin).