Selected performance quotes

1. I have often seen an actor laugh off the stage, but I don't remember ever having seen one weep.

2. I don't think that we necessarily lie. I mean, we make our living by pretending that we're someone else. I don't tell tall tales. I always tell the truth.

3. Mistakes are part of the game. It's how well you recover from them, that's the mark of a great player.

4. Acting is not pretending or lying. It's finding a side of yourself that's the character and ignoring your other sides. And there's a side of me that wonders what's wrong with being completely honest.

5. I am still hopeful we can go through the season unbeaten - a frightening thought.

6. If you do not believe you can do it then you have no chance at all.

7. Applause is a receipt, not a note of demand.

8. My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.

9. My first big acting performance was in the Marilyn Monroe biography piece, and it required frontal nudity. I talked to Mira Sorvino, my co-star, about how nervous I was because I didn't know how my mom would react. She said, 'Can I be completely honest with you? I've seen your mom in interviews, and she seems pretty screwed up. I don't think there's much you could do to shock a broad like that.' And from that moment on it was big nipples to the wind!

10. As soon as I got out there I felt a strange relationship with the pitcher's mound. It was as if I'd been born out there. Pitching just felt like the most natural thing in the world. Striking out batters was easy.

11. A man who strains himself on the stage is bound, if he is any good, to strain all the people sitting in the stalls.

12. Wave after wave of love flooded the stage and washed over me, the beginning of the one great durable romance of my life.

13. I prepare myself well. I know what I can do before I go in. I'm always confident.

14. People have been playing against me below their strength for fifteen years.

15. When you back off, it's easier to do mistakes. For me it's better to ski fast.

16. The funny thing about our act is that dad gets the worst of it, although I'm the one who apparently receives the bruises . . . the secret is in landing limp and breaking the fall with a foot or a hand. It's a knack. I started so young that landing right is second nature with me. Several times I'd have been killed if I hadn't been able to land like a cat. Imitators of our act don't last long, because they can't stand the treatment.

17. A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.

18. I liked myself better when I wasn't me.

19. Actresses can get outrageously precious about the way they look. That's not what life's about. If you starve yourself to the point where your brain cells shrivel, you will never do good work. And if you're overly conscious of your arms flapping in the wind, how can you look the other actor in the eye to respond to them?

20. I've always believed that acting is instinct to start with; you either have it or you don't.

21. Adding power makes you faster on the straights. Subtracting weight makes you faster everywhere.

22. Actresses are such very dull people off the stage. We are only delightful and brilliant when we are doing what we are told to do. Off stage we are awful chumps.

23. Difficulty is the excuse history never accepts.

24. Man, I was tame compared to what they do now. Are you kidding? I didn't do anything but just jiggle.

25. He played the King as though under momentary apprehension that someone else was about to play the ace.

26. His courtesy was somewhat extravagant. He would write and thank people who wrote to thank him for wedding presents and when he encountered anyone as punctilious as himself the correspondence ended only with death.

27. When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not.

28. Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

29. San Francisco has always been my favorite booing city. I don't mean the people boo louder or longer, but there is a very special intimacy. When they boo you, you know they mean you. Music, that's what it is to me. One time in Kezar Stadium they gave me a standing boo.

30. [Malipiero's advice to Casanova.] If you wish your audience to cry, you must shed tears yourself, but if you wish to make them laugh you must contrive to look as serious as a judge.

31. [I would like to be] one of [the first pop singers to perform in a free Cuba]. I know the list is huge. And it would be hard to pull off -- I'd have a lump as big as a tostone [fried green plantain] in my throat. But oh my God, what a dream -- it would be the height of my personal and professional career.

32. Jim Morrison was a well-built boy, larger than average, and young enough to maintain the engorged silent connection right through the residue of chemicals.

33. But it must not be thought that I say this out of personal experience: for in the many years that I have been before the public my secret methods have been steadily shielded by the strict integrity of my assistants, most of whom have been with me for years.

34. But then, so far as I know, I am the only performer who ever pledged his assistants to secrecy, honor and allegiance under a notarial oath.

35. Eating coals of fire has always been one of the sensational feats of the Fire Kings, as it is quite generally known that charcoal burns with an extremely intense heat.

36. Flames from the lips may be produced by holding in the mouth a sponge saturated with the purest gasoline.

37. In all feats of fire-eating it should be noted that the head is thrown well back, so that the flame may pass out of the open mouth instead of up into the roof, as it would if the head were held naturally.

38. My professional life has been a constant record of disillusion, and many things that seem wonderful to most men are the every-day commonplaces of my business.

39. No performer should attempt to bite off red-hot iron unless he has a good set of teeth.

40. The eating of burning brimstone is an entirely fake performance.

41. Montserrat Cabelle is sensational. She has that same kind of emotion as Aretha Franklin. The way she delivers a song is so very natural. It's a very different gift.

42. 'Hi, my name is Kim Basinger... ummm, Freddie Mercury.'

43. 'Most of what I like, is for the audience to really feel like they're really there, virtually part of the show.'

44. 'From Queen, thank you very much. Sayonara...'

45. 'We want you all to have a really good time, it's like a Queen carnival, so enjoy yourself' -Quote to TV audience before rock in rio.

46. 'This shitty guitar never plays the chords I want it to play. It only knows three chords, but let's see what happens. This is for all you lovely, crazy people out there.' - Queen: Live At Wembley Stadium 1986 (intro to 'Crazy Little Thing Called Love')

47. She was a soprano of the kind often used for augmenting grief at a funeral.

48. 'I hate singers, a miserable crew who think that music exists only in their own throats.'

49. Would someone just put a dick in that guy's mouth please? 'Cause that's what he wants. He's a cocksucker in disguise. He's got his mouth open 'cause he wants someone to cum in it. Now, if you wanna keep making noise, motherfucker, and we can find you that way or you're just a punk coward asshole bullshit loud motherfucker and you're gonna shut up now so we don't find out where the fuck you're sitting. 'Cause if you keep it up, we'll grab your ass and throw you in the fucking street where you belong, with your mother! And I'm fucking her in the asshole every night anyway, so fuck you and your sister and your wife! If you got a kid, I hope your fucking kid dies in a car fire! How do you like that, you stupid cocksucker? Shut the fuck up and get the fuck out of here! : You know? See : You gotta use psychology. You gotta be a bit of a psychologist up here and know how to appeal to a person.

50. 'Air! Air!' croaked Kralefsky, 'Give me air!' 'Interesting,' said Colonel Ribbindane. 'Saw a pygmy like that once in the Congo... been trapped in an elephant's stomach. The elephant is the largest African quadruped..' 'Do get him out,' said Mother agitatedly. 'Get some brandy.' 'Fan him! Blow on him!' shrilled Margo, and burst into tears. 'He's dying, he's dying, and he never finished his trick.'

51. No fighting, Glorias! Gloria Estefan [the real one] to two female impersonators [Gloria #1 and Gloria #2]

52. Not even a bomb scare could keep Gloria Estefan from her fans.

53. When I began singing 'Conga' athletes from all over the world busted out of formation to dance with me, [and] I thought: 'Wow, what a great choreography!.' I thought it was planned. But then the tower started shaking and I thought: 'Great, first the bus, then the boat, now the tower!'

54. Then [after Castro dies and her triumphal return to Havana], at last, I could sing for my people.

55. There are singers who can captivate a community. There are vocalists whose sound can penetrate deeply into your soul. There are entertainers who can mesmerize, enlighten and entertain, all in one breath. [And there is] Gloria Estefan -- who does it all, effortlessly.

56. Gloria Estefan is going to be here. She writes these books about her dog, Noelle . . . and she also dances and sings well, too.

57. The greatest feeling is to have [fans who are] so happy to see you.

58. When you get off stage with all these thousands of people loving you, the saddest part is to go back to your hotel room by yourself.

59. A startling presence, both vocally and visually... Off the cuff, like the whole '60's were off the cuff. An Oscar Wilde in drag who combined insight and sarcasm that was sometimes light, sometimes dark. A provocateur. ~ Paul Kantner as quoted in The Buffalo News (6 September 1991)

60. Mr. Martin Tanner, a baritone, of Dayton, Ohio made his Town Hall debut last night. He came well prepared, but unfortunately his presentation was not up to contemporary professional standards. His voice lacks the range of tonal color necessary to make it consistently interesting. Full time consideration of another endeavor might be in order.

61. I'd play at all the talent nights, I'd finish, they'd applaud. Some called it muffled laughter, I just figured they were odd. So I went up for an encore, but they screamed they'd had enough. Or maybe I just need a group to help me do my stuff.

62. Exposure of the secrets of the fire-eaters, for instance, dates back almost to the beginning of the art itself.

63. We are indeed a strange lot! There are times we doubt that we have any emotions we can honestly call our own. I have approached every dynamic scene change in my life the same way. When I married Charlie MacArthur, I sat down and wondered how I could play the best wife that ever was.... My love for him was the truest thing in my life; but it was still important that I love him with proper effect, that I act loving him with great style, that I achieve the ultimate in wifedom.

64. 'She's the most unbelievable actress I have ever met,' said a woman who worked on Hillary's Senate campaign. 'I remember one time at a Women's Leadership Forum event in New York, thirty of us sat around Hillary, talking about politics. And she said, 'You know, I love this organization, not just because we sit around and talk about politics, but because of the bonds of friendship forming around us.' The way she said it, people were riveted by her performance. But I had gotten to know her, and I could tell she didn't mean it. She has this unbelievable ability to be a liar. She is soulless.'

65. Like President Reagan, he is a Teflon man. No matter how many mistakes he makes during a telecast, no matter how glaring his weaknesses as a performer, nothing sticks to him. The television critics, wooed by his smooth off-camera personality, generally rave about him, rarely taking him to task on purely objective standards.

66. My public image isn't much about how I determine roles. I've always felt this way as a director that almost anyone can give a good or representative performance when you're unknown. It's just easier.

67. 'Yes, hopefully Smith will be somehow involved with Blaqk Audio's touring. And I plan on playing keyboards, singing, and indeed busting some moves. I'm going to do a stage dive while shredding a keyboard solo. '

68. 'I'm so fucked on the show tonight. Fudged. Sorry kids, if you curse you're the worst.'

69. 'If you really want to see some ill patty cake, you have to see Davey and I do it. And then watch us play patty cake.'

70. 'Hmm, maybe instead of jumping off the drum riser you could just step carefully down off of it but make a crazy I'm-going-off-really-hard face while you're doing it so people think you're doing some insane stage move.'

71. 'I mainly use Lineur Intense by L'Oreal but I also use the MAC 'Smolder' pencil as well as the liquid liner. The L'Oreal liquid is the best I've tried as far as color and smudging but if you've ever seen me after a show you know that I'm not immune to running eyeliner.'

72. 'Tell him to come check me out when I'm shredding some sweet finger tapping solos and then he'll be like, 'Power chords blah blah blah.' And I'll hit the whammy bar and it'll sound like a plane crashing at an air show and then he'll try to say some other stuff like, 'Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda.' And that's when I fire up the wah-wah pedal and it'll be like 'Wokka wokka wokka wo-wokka wokka.' All up in his freakin' face.'

73. Q: 'What are the most embarrassing things to happen onstage?'

74. Nardwar The Human Serviette: 'Jade, is there any way to protect Danny's balls - oh I'm sorry, Davey's balls - when he jumps into the audience?'

75. On New Years resolutions: 'I need to get like 34% more hyphy this year, shred 17.4% more often, use 2,000 more notes in each solo, my guitar needs to shoot flames that are at least 10 feet longer than they used to be, aaaand probably 1 more pound of lasers.'

76. Occasionally, I'd pick up the lifeguard buoy and run down the beach Baywatch-style, like something was actually happening.

77. If you can do a part and not have the acting show.

78. No one shakes their bon-bon like I do, except Ricky [Martin].

79. For us, things like make-up are just for the stage. I'm not sitting here right now at the interview wearing lipstick or something, or eyeliner, or you know, or a bra for that matter.

80. Musically, my dream is to do what Norah Jones did. I can't play the piano, but to sit next to it and just sing.

81. People call me an over-actor, people who say this might call Van Gogh an over- painter.

82. I've done it! I've defiled a timeless piece of art! For my next bit, I'll paint a clown face on the Mona Lisa while using the Shroud of Turin as a drop cloth! (Heard during a cover version of The Beatles' song I Am the Walrus)

83. 'You can clap along if you want to, and if you don't, well, then fuck it.'

84. [Introducing a raw version version of The Queen live in England] 'In fact it'd sound better if you'd stand up, for your country, and your brother ... and start singin'! And if you don't, fuck it.'

85. I don't give a fuck if you boo, as long as you boo in key...

86. He was like twitching and frothing and it was my father, ... I went like all pale. I felt all the blood leave my body. And then my father was like, 'How dare you?' And he stormed out of the theater and I followed him and we fought and argued and hugged and he cried and we made up.

87. You know, Aretha Franklin can make any old rubbish sound good, and I think she just has.' (After an Aretha Franklin duet with George Michael on 'Top of the Pops'.)

88. The Lookout was by far the hardest thing I've ever done. Partially because both Brick and Mysterious Skin were four to five week shoots, and The Lookout was nine or ten. So there's the marathon aspect, as well as the fact that Chris Pratt is having a harder go of it than either of the other two characters ever did. You know, waking up in the morning is difficult for him. Putting a sentence together is difficult for him. Getting dressed properly, driving a car, all these things. He can do them fine, but it's just much harder than it is for a normal person, so I had to try to make it hard for myself somehow. So it was challenging.

89. 'I rock your face off? I rock your face off. I rocked someone's face off at the Grand Ole Opry. Check that off my list.'

90. 'I wanted to experiment with that live energy, to push myself a little. It's very much about having intimacy with the music. I love theater - and I love playing in these old theaters. It's not a Vegas stage show. It's very much just me and the music and a five-piece band and a 20-piece string section from each city.'

91. 'I just have to feel it first. It can't be cerebral at all. I'm big on lyrics, a big lyric person, especially the kind of singing I do. It's hard to sound not cheesy sometimes with the voice I have with English songs.'

92. We're all alone on the stage tonight. We've been told we're not afraid of you.

93. We know all our lines so well... We've said them so many times: Time and time again, Line and line again.

94. Ooh, yeah, you're amazing! We think you are really cool. We'd give you a part, my love, But you'd have to play the fool.

95. With a voice you either love or hate, she belts out a song with a desperation that grabs you and won't let go.

96. My mom made me a belly dancing outfit out of an old bathing suit and some chiffon...and for years I used my belly dancing as a marketing tool. Whenever my uncle Fred would come over and have a few too many shots of ARAK, I'd put on the outfit and dance around for some extra pocket change.

97. What I always wanted to be was a magician... My real upbringing when I was a teenager was doing magic shows, all over the state, with my father and brothers. Doing magic, you not only have to be able to do a trick, you have to have a little story line to go with it. And writing is essentially a trick.

98. Every speech, for Olivier, is like a mass of marble at which the sculptor chips away until its essential form and meaning are revealed. No matter how ignoble the character he plays, the result is always noble as a work of art. (p. 208)

99. Her style looks absurdly simple- an effortless act of projection, a serpentine lasso whereby her voice casually winds itself around our most vulnerable fantasies. But it is not easy. It is what remains when ingratiation, sentimentality and the manifold devices of heart-warming crap have been ruthlessly pared away. Steel and silk are left, shining and durable. (p. 215)

100. She shows herself to the audience like the Host to the congregation. (p. 217)