6 Mitch Hedberg Quotes on Performance

Mitch Hedberg quotes on performance

10. Check this joke out: (Pointing to the back of the room as if to relay his post-show whereabouts.) If you wanna talk to me after the show I'll be : fuckin' surprised.

16. Alright, alright. That joke's better than you acted. Perhaps it's not. Maybe it's dumb. It could be. I hear you, man. I'm not a fuckin' genius for Christ's sakes. You know. I'm just tryin' to tell some jokes. Shit. Who the fuck are you? That track is number fourteen. It's called 'Attitude'.

76. Some people think I'm high on stage; I would never get high before a show, because, when I'm high, I don't wanna stand in front of a bunch of people I don't know. That does not sound comfortable. Like, when you're high, and a joke doesn't work, it's extra scary. It's like,'Whoa, what the hell happened there? I am retreating within myself. Why have all these people gathered? And why am I elevated? Why am I not facing the same way as everyone else? And what is this electric stick in my hand?'

77. (to audience) I like the way this is situated here. It seems like you guys were chasing me, closing in, and then said 'fuck it...lets sit down'.

82. I like when they bring a comedian on stage, they always tell you what else they do. But fuck, this is enough, isn't it? He's here tonight performing, because that is his job! But no, it's gotta be, 'He laid bricks in Philadelphia. And he repaired a car in Oklahoma. He has an umbrella store in Philadelphia. That's the only city that comes to mind right now. Philadelphia, 'cause you can say 'Philly' and the people from Philadelphia will not get mad. Like if you say 'Frisco,' San Francisco people say, 'Fuck off!' But if you say 'Philly' they say, 'Alright!' Because I don't always have time to say 'Philadelphia.' Sometimes I just need that word to be two syllables. Phil-a-del-phi-a. Fuck, five! Your town would be called Philly too if it had five syllables!

84. Mitch Hedberg (writer). (1999). Comedy Central Presents: Mitch Hedberg [Television series].