5 Mitch Hedberg Quotes on Time

Mitch Hedberg quotes on time

11. I don't have a microwave oven but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks shit.

37. My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said 'no, but I want a regular banana later, so ... yeah'.

45. I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

48. This is what my friend said to me; he said, 'Guess what I like? Mashed potatoes.' It's like,'Dude. you have to give me time to guess. If you're gonna quiz me, you have to insert a pause.'

56. One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said,'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture of you is when you were younger. 'Here's a picture of me when I'm older.' 'You son-of-a-bitch! How'd you pull that off? Lemme see that camera!'