This is what my friend said to me; he said, 'Guess what I like? Mashed potatoes.' It's like,'Dude. you have to give me time to guess. If you're gonna quiz me, you have to insert a pause.'

When you buy a box of Ritz crackers, on the back of the box, they have all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. 'Try it with turkey and chee…

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

Popsicles are for the summertime...

We don't have much time here to talk about Ron Paul because the time is dwindling. Let's see, I have seven seconds, six seconds. What can I say? Uh... Ron Paul…

Hansel and Gretel discovered the ginger bread house about 45 minutes after they discovered the mushrooms.

I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or somethin…