When you buy a box of Ritz crackers, on the back of the box, they have all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. 'Try it with turkey and cheese. Try it with peanut butter.' But I like crackers man, that's why I bought it, 'cause I like crackers! I don't see a suggestion to put a Ritz on top of a Ritz. I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates! You've got no faith in the product itself.

Popsicles are for the summertime...

This is what my friend said to me; he said, 'Guess what I like? Mashed potatoes.' It's like,'Dude. you have to give me time to guess. If you're gonna quiz me, …

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

When I purchase a food item at the supermarket, I can be confident that the label will state how much riboflavin is in it. The United States government require…

I need 4 hot dogs with everything, one plain.

You need to have the courage to say to your wife, get in there and make me some bean dip.