Man: 'I understand you buried your wife several years ago.' WC: 'Yes, I had to. She died.' (from the film Poppy)

Secretary: 'It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law.' WC: 'Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible.'

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch...

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

Like enough, you won't be glad, When they come to hang you, lad: But bacon's not the only thing That's cured by hanging from a string.

Maybe we'll win another VMA if I die, like for sure.

'You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning! I can't even get down the gym. Your diary must look odd: 'Get up in the morni…