Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot.

Boxing took a weird turn when Mike Tyson bit somebody. LETS GET READY TO NIBBLE! And all these old guy were like 'He bit him oh dear Christ he bit him.' You're…

Some forms of reality are so horrible we refuse to face them, unless we are trapped into it by comedy. To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit d…