Emo Philips Quotes on Absurdity
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I love going to the park, watching the kids running around, yelling...they don't know I'm using blanks!
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I was in the park the other day with my nephew. He got on one of the swings and went 'Come on, Uncle Emo! Give me a big push!' So I went over and pushed him with all of my might. But he said 'No, Uncle Emo! I want a big push!' So I went back about 10 feet, ran to him as fast as I could, and pushed him with all of my might. And he still goes 'No, Uncle Emo! I want a really big push!' So I went back 50 feet, ran to him as fast as I could, and pushed him with all of my might! And my nephew still goes 'NO, Uncle Emo! I wanna really, really BIG push!' So I backed up my Chevy...
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I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.
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I was walking down the street, something caught my eye... and dragged it fifteen feet.
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The guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo... in Morse code.