One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

Oh, quit being such a Pollyanna.

Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

No self respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.

I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived.

You know the best part of having kids? ...making them.

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'