There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes. ~ Fred Allen

Jack has no more hair than an elbow. ~ Fred Allen

When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as if the strings are back in the cat. ~ Fred Allen

Before shoes were invented, Jack was a heel. ~ Fred Allen

Asked if he had ever conducted any Stockhausen, he said, 'No, but I once trod in some.'

'We class schools, you see, into four grades: Leading School, First-rate School, Good School, and School. Frankly,' said Mr Levy, 'School is pretty bad...'

Ernest Bramah's China, then, is the fantastic bogus China of convention, not the real historical thing at all. He wrote of it in a prose so perfectly conceived…