Rochester: Well, it went down two points this last year.

Jack Benny: That star has five points.

Thug: Look, bud, I said 'Your money or your life.'

Rochester: You mean that shiny one with the three points on it?

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

It doesn't quite work in an Aussie accent does it? 'Talk the hand...because the face has fucked off!'

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, n…