19 Jack Benny Quotes on Jack benny

Jack Benny quotes on jack benny

1. A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

5. My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

13. When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it [1]

14. When they laugh at one of my jokes... it just gets me right here. [Places his hand on his heart]

17. Don Wilson: I don't think you know how much it means to me to do the commercial. After all I'm not a funny man. I can't sing or dance. I don't lead a band. What are you paying me for?

20. Jack: When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it.

33. Perry Mason: Maybe my writers are better than yours.

35. Rochester: It would've been hard to rhyme a dollar ninety-eight.

40. Rochester: Well, it went down two points this last year.

48. Jack: I know, but peanut butter?

51. Jack: Smell?... What do I want with smelling salts?

60. Bob Hope: [finding some coins tied with string in Jack's trousers] When you ask this kid for a loan, and he says his money is tied up, he isn't kidding. This is an obstacle course for pickpockets.

61. Bob: Welcome to the Lucky Strike Program. In just a few minutes, you'll see our star, Gypsy Rose Benny.

65. Bob Hope: Why do you want Jack's pants?

85. Jack: [pointing a pistol at Bob's trousers] I'm going to blow your brains out.

97. Jack Benny really liked my book. I know because he called me up from the library and told me. ~ Bob Hope

99. One night I was walking in my sleep and Mr. Benny put a vacuum cleaner in my hand. ~ Eddie Anderson (Rochestor)

104. He is so anemic that if he stays out at night, he has to get a transfusion so his eyes will be bloodshot in the morning. ~ Fred Allen

112. There was one especially memorable moment . . . when Jack began a very difficult passage from Mendelssohn's Concerto, everyone in the orchestra turned and looked at Jack in wonder and amazement . . . they were playing Beethoven's Fifth at the time! ~ Zubin Mehta