Quote #10

I found there was only one way to look thin. Hang out with fat people.

Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

More from Jacob Cohen

  1. I drink too much. Way too much. I gave a urine sample, there was an olive in it.
  2. I have good-looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
  3. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
  4. I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
  5. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
  6. I joined Gambler`s Anonymous. They gave me two to one I don`t make it.
  7. My mother didn't breast-feed me. She said she liked me as a friend.
  8. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

All Jacob Cohen quotes